Movie Log and reviews!
12/16/2024 Killjoy (2000): It was my pick and my BB showed interest in this one. It's about some nerd who gets BULLIED by all the cool gang bangers because he has a crush on the leaders gal. After getting a fanny whoopin he tries to use black magic to make his Rick James style Barbie exact revenge but he accidentally gets a murder before it works. So then like a year later the Rick James style Barbie doll is back with an ICE CREAM TRUCK full of MURDER. When you step into the back of the Ice Cream truck you get SUCKED into the Killjoy zone which looks a lot like an abandoned warehouse full of empty boxes that would cushin some stunt falls. So now that gal the the nerd was crushing on has a new boyfriend and they go to visit her gal pal who is holding hands with some crusty magic hobo that usues psychic powers to explain that the main girl needs to explode the doll and make out with the clown or something. So they go outside on hop into the ice cream truck. The funniest scene to me is when before they go into the truck the new boyfriend is like "We have to stick together no matter what." Then immediately after entering the Killjoy Zone is like "This is nuts this is a warehouse do you see all these boxes we HAVE to split up because we just do ok?" It was hilarious to me. Then Killjoy summons the dead gang members to fight our heroes. It's just goofy as hell. While watching this I tried to find a scene on youtube to see if I could embed it here and discovered theres FIVE Killjoy movies lmao.
He's a superfreak.
12/14/2024 P2 (2007): It was my BB's pick for movie time and I recognized the title but could not remember a single thing about this movie. I probably watched it on Netflix or a DVD rental in 2008 or something. I remembered it as we were watching it. Man I have seen a lot of movies especially as I hit that deep depression mode when I turned 30 but anyway. The movie started out with big wig business lady working late on Christmas Eve. The building she works in is closing for three days and on her way out of the parking garage her battery is dead. The clingy parking garage guard offers to give her a jump which does not work. When she calls for a cab she realizes the lobby is locked and the goomba in the cab does not wait for her. She tries to get some help from the guard but turns out he's an Elvis obsessed weirdo and has been crushing on her via the securiy cameras throughout the building. Whenb she gets to the guard shack to ask for help he asks her if his white rag smells like cloroform, it does. she wakes up tied to a table wearing a Marilyn Monroe dress and is foced to eat turkey and potatoes out of tupperware. Eventually she stabs him with a fork and makes a break for it starting a DEADLY GAME OF CAT AND ALSO CAT. Serious business women grew up on a farm and is built FORD TOUGH. I tried to make some jokes about 2007 stuff but could only come up with updating her Myspace page when she was working on her serious business woman PC with her GIANT bluetooth head set. It looked like she was going to fly Blackhawk helicopter with that thing on her head. Then as the movie wore on we saw something that totally dated the movie a PT Cruiser and a Pontiac Sunfire man that took me back when I saw those parked in the garage. The funniest part is serious business lady gets to one of the gates in the underground garage and starts screaming for help and a smelly bag lady with a shopping cart full of miscellania who starts repeating her pleas for help. The cold uncaring city did not hear the pleas for help of serious business lady.
12/13/2024 Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020):I genuinely liked the first two movies. They are not masterpieces by any stretch of the imagination. I think it's awesome that Keanu reeves agreed to do this during his recent success with the John Wick movies. Did he just do a solid for his pal Alex Winter? Probably. The effects are terrible and it feels like there were basically no real sets with extensive use of shabby green screen. I didn't even finish this one I was about 70% of the way through it and just like I don't know someday I'll finish it. There's some time traveling with Bill and Ted trying to get their soong from their future selves but they just time skip a little bit at a time watching themselves spiral which has a few fun sequences. There's a lame killer robot chasing them while at the same time the Princess' are time traveling around for some reason and then the daughters of Bill and Ted are also time hopping building a killer band to play the song at the destined time for their fathers. The general idea could have been something but I feel like some more jokes and a few more talented writers could have polished this up a bit. I give it unfinished/10.
12/12/2024 Dear Santa (2024): This Christmas comedy features Jack Black (I hate this guy but not as much as I hate Seth Rogan) as Satan who is summoned by a boy with dyslexia when he attempts to write a letter to Santa. The boy gets three wishes and upon completion of the third wish the Devil gets his soul. So this goofball and his donkey mouth'd friend use BLACK MAGIC to get a girlfriend and do a hip hop dance with Post Malone. IDK who TF Post Malone really is but I'm sure kids all around the globe want to do a hip hop dance with him. Ultimately the boy faces no consequences and the viewer is left with the impression that the Devil is a really rad cool dude who is misunderstood and if he got your soul would it even be that bad? You'd get to hang out with Jack Black and Ben Stiller and rap guys. The movie also kept feeling like it was about to be over but then more things just kept happening. IDK man I give it like 6/10 Hip Hop Dances.
12/11/2024 Terrifier 2 (2022): It took a while to get this one watched. My youngest kept waking up after like 20 minutes of movie time but on the third night we managed to get the rest of the film viewed. The real story here is that there was a large kick starter campaign funding the special effects which made the movie make more sense. At first I thought "Am I just out of touch and old? Is it becaus I'm a father that this gratuitous gore is bothering me? Who am I anymore?" But I guess the film makers gave the backers what they wanted which was tons of practical effect gore. That's neat. Then the little gore movie that could went on to make millions in theaters surprising the writer director. The main criticism of the first movie was that it's just a killer clown killing. So they attempted to flesh the story out a bit and added some nerd who has his Dad's sketch book and for some reason there's prophetic sketches of Art the Clown and the pale faced clown girl that never get clearly explained. The nerds older sister is cosplaying as their Dad's valkyrie character for Halloween which is a plot contrivance to get her in a skimpy costume that offers very little in the line of protection. There's also a gladius sword with magic powers over life and death that our heroine uses to bonk Art's head off. The real star of this show is Art the clown, the performance is memorable, perhaps the most memorable miming you will ever see on screen. Perhaps the most iconic new horror villian since Ghost Face from 1998's scream. The entire franchise hinges on the clown looking scary, being weird, clowning around and gory practical effects. I've seen worse movies. I give it 7/10 honking noses.
12/08/2024 Moana 2 (2024): A girl and a group of goobers get in a flimsy canoe and sail the pacific ocean looking for an Island that's been cursed by some grumpy pagan god. She discovers inner strength and conqours a series of challenges. It was pretty cute and my kids enjoyed it. There was also a giant clam that looked kind of lewd but it's a Disney movie so you know there's a bunch of weird shit hidden in there by degenerates. What can you do man. It was nice to take a break from cleaning out my Mom's house, which is almost done, and spend some time with my family.
11/26/2024 Black Christmas (2006): The first thing to jump out at me was Michelle Trachtenberg and Lacey Chabert in this movie. I was a huge fan of Pete and Pete and Buffy the Vampire Slayer so I recognized Michelle Tractenberg. I also liked the Lost in Space movie which is where I know Lacey Chabert from. I really enjoyed this movie. I know I saw it back when it first came out but didn't really remember much about it. The major selling point is that the movie starts right away with killing and really doesn't stop until the credits roll. The artistry of the slasher was lost in the 1990's where studios wanted lower ratings to get teens to buy tickets at the expense of ART. The movie kind of flip flops in time as people tell the heart warming story of Billy the yellow skinned boy with a diseased liver that gets locked in the attic, raped by his mother, fathering an incest rape baby little sister before he loses it and kills the family and eats the sister-daughters eyeball before getting locked in the looney bin. This happened in a house that is now a sorority for a bunch of dimwitted murder victims waiting to happen. Something that dates this movie real hard is girls using their flip phones as flashlights. Remember doing that? I do. Thank goodness smart phones started putting LED flashlights on their phones. There's also a subplot about a boyfriend secretly filming his love making sessions and the video is played on Quicktime player or something that looks like it and the landline house phones caller ID is used heavily for spooky effect. Bodies start stacking up, people are crawling in the walls, some of the lighting and camera angles are great, the ending is a little hard to follow and the director is apparently creeped out by eyes. There is a lot of eye stabbing, eyes in peep holes, eyes looking through lunatic assylum lunch tray slots. Just eye balls all over. The most shocking discovery is Blumhouse has made another remake of this classic. I haven't seen it but I doubt it's better than the original or this remake masterpiece. If I had to guess I bet it's a dumb premise that leads to a series of boring non events. I give this one 7.5/10 Eyeballs. Oh and keep an eye out for the orderly that says "It tastes like chicken...because it's chicken".
11/23/2024 The Faculty (1998): I like this movie. I've probably only seen it three or four times including last nights viewing but it's a pretty solid body snatcher type movie. It's no masterpiece like Night of the Creeps is nor is it a mega piece of shit like The Puppet Masters (1994) that's so shitty it's brilliant but it's pretty good. This probably owes to the fact it was directed by Robert Rodriguez. There were also a lot of interesting casting choices. Elijah Wood is the final girl which was pretty funny. One of the football jocks was played by Usher, Jon Stewart from the Daily Show was the science teacher, Bebe Neuworth as the principal, Robert Patrick as the football coach, Famke Janssen as Miss Burke. Josh Hartnet played the drug dealer heart throb with a big brain that uses his chemistry set to figure out how to take out the aliens eventually. What's weird is the sexual tension between him and the teacher played by Famke Janssen that just seems inappropriate. The biggest question the movie has left me with is what the fuck is going on with Zeke's hair?
Something I really enjoyed about this movie on this viewing was how awesomely dated it was. The movie opens with The Offspring and the late 90's fashions on full display. Took me right back in time to high school. That was amazing. Really the only weakness this movie suffers from is the shabby CGI. There's a scene where a teacher gets decapitated and their melon sprouts tentacles and crawls away. It looks terrible. It immediately made me think of how awesome the effects were in John Carpenter's The Thing. Man, that movie still looks great. Another minor thing I appreciated was my boy Robert A. Heinlein got shouted out twice. A character was reading Heinlein in the first act and later when the scooby gang is crafting a plan they mention Heinlein's The Puppet Masters which was pretty cool, Heinlein is my favorite author.
11/22/2024 Wayne's World (1992): This is a silly movie and BB's pick for last nights movie watching relaxation times. IT was a good choice. Whenever I talk to people about cable access TV I frequently use this as an example. People have no idea what cable access is anymore. It was such a cool thing in the 1980's and 1990's.
11/16/2024 Deadpool & Wolverine (2024): I was pretty excited to watch this and thought it was so so. I think the Ryan Reynolds snark is wearing thin on me. That's pretty much it.
11/13/2024 Campfire Tales(1997):This is a horror anthology. Four teens are drunk and driving around after going to a concert and crash. They're a little banged up and after setting up some road flairs they wander around the woods and find a smashed up old church and light a fire. Here they tell some scary stories to pass the time until they get found. The movie opened with the teens retelling the classic escaped crazy hook hand killer set in the 50's before it cut to them driving around erratically. The movie retells many classic urban legends like Humans can lick too, the motorcycle guy that breaks down and shacks up with a ghost for the night. There's also a newlywed couple in a camper that get attacked by mutant canibals. It's an ok movie but feels like a long episode of Goosebumps. I don't want to spoil the twist ending but the moral of the story is don't go see Iron Maiden and let your dipshit drunk friend drive.
11/11/2024 Texas Chain Saw Massacre The Next Generation (1995): Holy cow what an awesome movie! Almost every line of dialog is retarded right out of the gate I wanted every single character except Renee Zelwegger to get chainsawed. Which is cool because she ends up being the final girl. A group of moronic teens are at the prom when the bimbo of the group catches her stud bf smooching some hussey. So they all start arguing and pile into the car while the angry bimbo of the group is mad at her bf. He's saying all kinds of dumb shit like you'll get prostate cancer if you don't bone enough. Yeah, I know the dialog is priceless. So within like 5 minutes of getting in the car the girl driving takes a wrong turn on a dark country road and can't find a place to turn around but some other dude in a car blasts out of the forest and hits her. So the other driver is all zonked out and our teens split up. Renee Zelwegger henceforth referred to as the nerd takes off on foot with the bimbo and Chad to get help while the other dude in the car the nerds date stays back with the zonked out dude. Eventually the trio lands at what appears to be some kind of office in a trailer, I really don't know. The lady there in a purple pant suit is obviously mental but offers to call for help.
So the lady in purple for some reason flashes her milk duds at a car of teenagers driving by. It was pretty odd. But not as odd as when she calls a wrecker instead of an ambulance which should have been our group of teens first clue something was really wrong. The lady in purple also says the wrecker can be a butt hole but just tell him and I quote "Just tell him how the cow eats the cabbage." I would have got right the fuck out of there the instand I head that. Our trio of archtypes start hoofing it back to the scene of the accident meanwhile the wrecker kills the zonked out and and starts chasing the nerds boyfriend down a one lane road in the woods. The nerd must not be dating him for his brains because he doesn't think to just run through the trees in the woods. Oh I didn't mention that the wrecker has a home made robot leg so running through the woods would have been a pretty smart choice because the truck wouldn't be able to follow and his home made robot leg would have the wrecker at a pretty big disadvantage. The whole movie is like this and I love it. It almost comes off as a parody of the first film which turns out is what it was meant to be. This is written and directed by Kim Henkel the cowriter of the original film.
The Wrecker is our main villain and is portrayed by Matthew McConaughey who chews the scenery every milisecond he is on screen. The robot leg is also powered by tv remote controls. Yeah, man, I keep telling you it's awesome. The lady in purple ends up kidnapping the main nerd and picking up pizza on the way home to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house. One of the other mutant family members keeps quoting famous authors and citing historical quotes and that is his entire character. Leatherface this time is always incompetent and hoots like a retard constantly. At one point the nerd is trying to talk the lady in purple into helping her but the lady in purple reveals that the wrecker actually works for a secret society ala the Illuminati. LMFAO, wat? This is amazing. The movie just keeps up at a pace that toes the line of frenetic. It's not so fast that you don't realize everyone is a moron and what you're seeing is dumb but it's just fast enough and just dumb enough that you continue to want more. How did the director do it? This might be my favorite film in the franchise and I've just flat out never heard of it until I was doomscrolling Tubi looking for something cool to watch with my BB. She didn't love it as much as I did but still enjoyed it. I will have to let this one sit in my brain zone for a while and give it a rewatch and see if I still love it as much as I did last night. But dang. What an entertaining film.
11/10/2024 Conspiracy Theory (1997): While cleaning out my Moms house this weekend I fired up Conspiracy Theory on the VCR. I had seen a clip on youtube a while back and it's not streaming anywhere so I figured I'd fire it up. It's about Mel Gibson a cab driver who has is a schitzo that publishes a newsletter titled Conspiracy Theory with a reader reach of 5 people. Eventually he hits a nerve and the spooks are after him! He takes Julia Roberts along for the ride. The opening scene he's ranting like a looney about this and that typical Conspiracy Theory but what cracked me up is he's painted like a maniac when talking about the flouride in the watter. But it is a known fact that high levels of flouride lower IQ. Come on man. After that it's pretty much an action movie as our due is being chased by spooks and he manages to out maneuver them. I only watched about half of it before I had to get out of there and scoot to work. I am not sure I will be finishing that one. The scene where he burns his apartment down, shimmeys down a fire proof escape tunnel, dresses like a firemen to slip away in the hubub. That was awesome.
11/09/2024 No Vacancy 2: The First Cut (2009): This prequel sets out to explain how the Hotel snuff film operation from the first film got started. Turns out the Hotel operators were just selling videos of couples and dudes with hookers playing the hokey pokey and selling the tapes. But business is not booming. Then some dude murders a hooker! The hotel owners didn't know what to do so they tied him up until their smut peddler arrived and the hobo hooker slayer suggested they just start selling snuff films. Yeah man the protagonists are the snuff film creators. At first you think the movie is going to follow the newly weds but then it changes to follow the killers then it changes to follow a married couple that brought along their black comedic relief for some reason.
11/09/2024 Blind Fury (1989):Finall found the time to finish this movie with my BB. And she was ineterested enough to mostly stay awake for it despite getting a late start. But lets get onto discussing this movie. Rutger Haur starts as Blind Fury the Vietnam vet on a mission of forgiveness. After his war buddy leaves him to die in a mud pit in vietnam he's rescued by simple farmer folk that teach him the way of the sword despite being TOTALY BLINDED BY MORTAR FIRE. That is awesome. Twenty years late he makes it to Florida to look for his war buddy that ditched him but finds out that he's been divorved and is in Reno. While he's at his ex wifes house enjoying a tea some cops show up saying they need to see the kid for questioning. Turns out the cops were on the dole from the main villian some casino owner that's in debt and has kidnapped Blind Fury's war buddy! The war buddy is a chemist and is cooking up some blue powder, is it meth? I don't know man all I remember about meth was watching Breaking Bad like 10 years ago. Does it really come in blue? Was it just made up movie drugs like Nuke or Super crack from the Frank Henonlotter classic Frankenhooker? I don't know man.
After some sweet dismembering and sword fighting the Mom's dying wish is that Blind Fury protects Billy and takes him to his father in Reno. So they hop on a bus and start their cross country journey while being chased by Randal Tex Cobb. There are a few decent action scenes peppered throughout the film. There's a corn maze chase where Blind Fury takes out the hired goons one by one. I couldn't grab a screenshot off of Tubi easily but man the goons in this movie are the best especially Brother Lyle and Brother Tector. Those two really stand out and are a couple of irascible rascals that can be both comedic relief and also disgusting villainous goons. There's also a car chase scene with Blind Fury behind the wheel with a few cool car crashes which are always awesome. I don't want to spoil the mobie but if you pay attention to the opening credits you'll notice Sho Kosugi makes an appearance. Over the course of the film the shithead kid Billy grows from a petulant turd into a normal kid that looks up to Blind Fury, the war buddy Dad escapes from the meth lab and runs off with a waitress from the casino and his son to start a new life hopefully free of gambling. I give it 7/10 service animals.
11/05/2024 Blind Fury (1989):Started Blind Fury last night with my BB. I watched about 2/3 of the movie before the kids got up and had to go to bed. BB had been dozing in and out but enjoyed what she saw of it and wants to start it over and stay up for it. So I suppose I'll save any thoughts until after finishing the rest of the movie. But I will tell you right now Randall Tex Cobb makes one helluva heavy, movioe tough guy, and you want to see this guy get blindly ninja'd into pieces.
11/02/2024 The Crush (1993): Nick played by Carey Elwes (The Dread Pirate Roberts) has moved to LA and is faking a terrible American accent and finds a guest house to rent. The landlords 14 year old daughter Adrian portrayed by Alicia Silverstone develops a crush on him instantly. She tricks him into driving her to a make out location and gives him an agressive smooch. He backs away, takes her home and tries to forget it. When she thinks her best friend is going to get in the way of her affections she tampers with her saddle at the horse riding competition and the girl ends up breaking an arm. When our main guy gets a new girlfriend she locks her in a shed she uses as a photography dark room and FILLS IT WITH BEES. This was hilarious. Then when he's like "Back off baby I'm too old she goes psycho and emberasses him at an important work function and later hits him with a fake rape case. THis looney steals a used condom to fake evidence.
This is the exact second she gets shot in the face with BEES.
It's very quick in the film but when the stream of bees shoots Amy in the face I lost it. That was the mosst hilarious thing I have ever seen on film. The movies thrilling conclusion does have some intense hilarity as well. Nick's signature move the Carousel Punch knocks the absolute shit out of Adrian. Normally I wouldn't want to spoil the climax of a film but holy shit check out that absolutely devestating punch. That's the kind of fury only a man falsely accused of raping a 14 year old can muster. And you as the audience are 100% on board with this man punching the ever lasting shit out of her stupid face. Over all I give the movie 7/10 Bees in the face.
After watching the movie I checked out the Wikipedia page to get the year it was made for the purposes of the movie log. There was an article claiming that this was based on true events that happened to the writer director. He used the girls real name which was Darian. The orignal theatrical release and Laserdisc release have the original name but later releases changed the name to Adrian. Literally just flipping two letters around in her name. This happened when the female suspect in the case sued the production. I would love to find the actual court documents and police records regarding these alleged events. If you have any information on this film classics real life events email me about it!
10/31/2024 Microwave Massacre (1979): Never have I wanted to like a movie more and just not enjoy it. On paper it sounds awesome. A middle aged construction worker is tried of his wife pretending to be fancy by cooking gourmet meals that she can't pronounce so he gets drunk and kills her one night. He accidentally has a gnosh of her hand out of a garbage can and decides to go full cannibal. So he starts banging hookers then killing them. There are tons of unexplained edits. Our hero Donald goes to a hardware store looking for large cooking materials then it cuts to a nude woman writhing around in sexual ecstacy while being slathered with mayonaise then covered with a large piece of bread then cuts to Donald walking down the street. Was this supposed to be a dream or fantasy sequence? Was the editor drunk? The hardware store guy is also the best character in the movie after telling our hero to get lost he calls the coasts guard, asks if the coast is clear and then gets startled by his own reflection. The neighbor is always getting it on with two guys or doing something odd. One time she's watering the lawn squatting down and it looks like she's peeing from Donald's persepctive. Later in the film she's doing some gardening I guess but with a vibrator. I don't know man. This isn't a serious film and is obviously a black comedy but most of the jokes fall flat and I have more questions than answers. I did laugh at the major punchline at the end and the credits were mildly amusing. The director is credited as La Chef, the cast is listed as La Menu in Order of conspumption. That was pretty cute. Overall I give it 3.5/10 Frozen heads.
10/30/2024 Ma (2019): Some highschool kids want to get drunk so they hang out in front of the liqour store a little too obviously trying to get an adult to buy them some hooch. Eventually they find a dopey looking lady with the Berries and Cream haircut and a dog with three legs that agrees to do the deed. She notices the company logo on the drivers van and stars cyber stalking them immediately. She starts offering the kids her basement as a place to drink under the pretense that she doesn't want them drinking and driving.
Uncanny isn't it?
Early on in the movie she pulls out a gun and demands the beefcake of the group strips and when he's done she plays it off like it's a joke. Our group of teens thinks this is awesome and continue to party with her and even call her Ma after she warms their hearts with pizza rolls. Then she starts getting clingy but the kids are cool because they're getting shit faced in this old lady's basement. After one of the kids Dads confronts her on her son spending a ton of time in her basement she goes off the rails and starts killing people. You even see her grab a wiener like she's going to cut it off which was pretty shocking. Not sure if she really grabbed that dudes crank or if it was a prosthetic. The finale isn't too over the top or anything but the main characters Mom gets her very effeminate gay coworker to swish on over to Ma's basement and save day by opening the basement door. This is no Psycho or Misery and with a little more intensity or tension building it could have been. It's serviceable and I'm not pissed I watched it. I give it 7 out of 10 pizza rolls.
10/28/2024 Warlock (1989): I love this movie and how goofy it is. The Warlock is pure evil and comits some gnarly acts of violence especially when he first lands in the twentieth centure. He cuts a dudes finger off, givesh im a gay hickey then bites his tongue out only to spit it on a hot skillet. Whoa! That really sets the tone. MY favorite part of the film is when our main character Kassandra with a K and Redferne the witch hunter are following the witch compass and see a mennonite barn with a hex mark on it so they pull over. Immediately the mennonite dude recognizes the signs of witchery when the milk curdles and the bread doesn't rise. Redferne bursts into the kitchen and the mennonite guy is 100% on the team to stop the groom of Satan. It's amazing. What I truly love about this one is the witch hunter is always telling people to do goofy shit like bite pennies to ward off magic and hammer nails into the Warlocks footprints and everyone is just on board and follows his expert advice. A lot of the effects are janky but you don't care because Julian Sands performance as the Warlock is outstanding. When he's hopping around with his thumbs and big toe locked into mini iron shackles and he's hopping up the hill frantically or flying around slurping the rendered fat of un-Baptized boys in a bad composite shot you can't help love this little picture for trying it's hardest. This is truly a giant in the genre of witch movies. Check it out.
Look how goofy that is. God bless em.
I guess this is to prevent the Warlock from casting spells by hindering his movement. But it looks pretty suspicious to me.
10/27/2024 Summer of Fear also known as Stranger in Our House (1978): This is a made for television horror film directed by Wes Craven starromg Linda Blair. This has instantly become my second favorite witch movie behind The Craft. The main character Rachel's cousin Julia moves in after her parents died suddenly in a car crash. Before long things stop going Rachels way, she comes down with some grody hives, her horse flips the heck out at the horse show (we get an awesome horse stunt that looked very dangerous), she loses her boyfriend and the dress she spent weeks making looks like butt until Julia tries it on. There's some really weird 70's veibes going on with the father getting a little too close to cousin Julia...they're not blood related but it's still creepy man, come on. Luckily Rachel is best pals with the collge Professor of the OCCULT. During the third act of the movie things really ramp up and we get a spell casting car chase through the mountains complete with flaming crashes. Everyone loves 1980's horror but 1970's horror has a darker grittier tone even when it's made for TV. Keep your eyes peeled for a young Fran Drescher who you will recognize instantly and if you don't the voice will give it away especially when she says "schleping around".
10/23/2024 Fright Night Part 2 (1988): I started this last night before falling asleep and got through the first act. This is an amazing sequel and gives viewers a lot more of what they wanted. What did viewers want? Charlie Brewster and Peter Vincent busting vamp skulls. I will finish this update when I managed to finish my screening of this calssic.
10/23/2024 Fright Night (1985): Fright Night is my favorite vampire film by far. It pays homage to the Hammer Horror and classic Universal era of monster movies while grabbing the genre by the nuggets and pulling it forward to the 1980's. At the time of it's release horror hosts were hitting their peak with the likes of Elvira and Joe Bob Briggs. In Dayton we had Dr Creep the host of Shock Theatre.
The films hero Charlie Brewster discovers his neighbor is a blood sucking creepazoid but no one believes him. He tries to enlist the help of his girlfriend and pal Evil Ed but they're not having it. So he goes to Peter Vincent the local horror host and renowned vampire killer for help but unfortunately he's just a down on his luck washed up actor. When that fails Charlie plans to do battle with the vampire himself but his gal and pal pay Peter Vincent to prove the vampire, Jerry Dandridge, is just a normal dude in his 30's with a male roommate that loves to prance around eating fruit non stop. I don't know if that's some kind of subtext or not. Mr Vincent's plan to prove Jerry is some dude backfires when he notices he casts no reflection in his mirror so he wusses out and GTFO's out of town. The character arc of Peter Vincent is my favorite part of the movie. He has an entire redemption arc and lives upt to the reputation of renowned vampire killer. This is an awesome movie and should be watched as often as possible. There's actually a 1988 sequel that gives the film goes more of they want, Peter Vincent and Charlie Brewster busting undead heads. Two all time classics, check em out. I think tonight I actually will fire up Fright Night 2.
10/20/2024 Ed and His Dead Mother (1993): I'm not sure that I would call this a horror comedy maybe a dark comedy. A grieving young hardware store owner is propositioned by a mysterious salesman in all white. The deal a cool grand for the return of his mother from the dead. After digging up the grave the salesman discovers she's had organs donated and was pretty beat up so he ups his price to a little over $3,000. Along the way there are some complications and the salesman is always there to sell a solution. To keep his mother alive he has to feed her bugs to steal their life force much like Renfield in Dracula. Before Ed realizes it his mother is addicted to life force and chasing down dogs and eating her enemies. The salesman offers the final solution for a hefty sum. PErhaps the funniest moment in the movie is the final scene but I won't spoil that one. The tone is silly and everyone but Ed is hornier than they probably should be but it's on youtube and readily available. It's no Dead Alive but what is?
10/19/2024 Talk to Me (2022): Talk to me is the heart warming tale of a diverse group of ugly Australian teenagers that find a magic dismembered hand of a psychic that's been embalmed and coated in a ceramic like subtance. They discover from their friend Duckett that if you hold the hand and say "talk to me" you immediately see malicious evil spirits and if you then say "come inside me" or something to that effect you will immediately become posessed. But don't worry as long as your ugly friends pry the severed hand out of your grip within 90 seconds you will separate from the spirit. No one is ever ready to separate their friends from the magic hand and the evil spirits always throw you around the room trying to stop you from doing it in time. This group of dysgenic looking hideous teens think this is great and dance around and hoot like apes as they let devils in their brain for entertainment. Oh yeah in the opening scene Duckett stabs himself in the face with a kitchen knife because his brain was infected with devils. They still think this is a great idea. Somehow, and no one in this group can tell you how , it goes bad. The main character Mia is sad because her Mom completed suicide two years ago so she goes to a party to be near people. This is when they all start taking turns messing around with evil spirits. There are a few visually unsettling scenes like when the Christian boy gets possessed by a horny ghost that writhes around moaning like a prostitute then flops on the floor like a fish to tongue kiss a dog for way too much screen time. There's also a scene where a haggared old lady or possibly greasey man, for real everyone in this movie is ugly as hell, stars vigorously sucking toes for again way too much screen time. Eventually people start dying there's a few twists and turns and our main character becomes an evil spirit summoned by Greek guys. Did they get their hands on the same psychic hand or did Milton Bradley start marketing them like Quija boards? Could the producers of the film not afford the rights to use a Quija board? Did they know you can just call it a Witch board and it's cool? I don't know man. It's like a 6/10 movie.
I didn't know this was a female until my BB told me. Lmao what a hideous hose beast.
10/15/2024 Dead Alive (1992): This movie is a cinematic masterpiece and in a sane world the pride of New Zeland's arts and cultural achievements. For those that don't know this is a Peter Jackson film of Lord of the Rings fame. The film is a non stop action packed gore fest and quite possibly the most romantic story ever told. I simply adore this film and am always down to watch it time and time again. My favorite line in the movie is when Paquita catches Lionel's mother eating her dog. "Your mother ate my dog!" she exclaims "Not all of it." Lionel replies. Brilliant. This is another one I've seen a hundred times and will see another hundred times.
10/13/2024 Skinamarink (2022): The film has an interesting nightmare aesthetic that is interesting for about 15 minutes. The film carries on for the length of a full feature. I had a really hard time staying awake for this one which is not hyperbole I was incredibly tired. So I guess it was interesting enough to keep me awake for the full running time. I was waiting for something to happen the entire time but it never really did. It's worth watching exactly one time but I don't think I will be coming back to this again and again like The Evil Dead or Dead Alive. Speaking of which I think Dead Alive will be the perfect palette cleanser so I'll toss that into the queue for tonights viewing pleasure.
10/12/2024 Moontrap (1989):This VHS was given to my Dad by his friend that owned a video renta store in the late 80's. This tape was distributed to rental chains so the owners could determine if they wanted to order a few copies. So at the beginning of the film and periodically throughout text pops up on screen telling you it's a non retail copy and if you bought it you've been bamboozled. I think that is neat as hell. I think that guy is also the man responsible for giving my Dad a cutout of Captain Kirk from the TOS films. Moontrap stars Walter Koenig an Bruce Campbell who discover ancient aliens on the Moon that when reawakened start killing everyone and using their body parts to build frankenstien robot zombies. It' awesome. That's really all you need to know about this one. My favorite scene is in the beginning when some egg head NASA scientist stops the armed NASA security dudes from shooting the alien robot and tries to communicate peacefully. The alien shoots in the arm with a laser prompting the egg head big brain to turn to the armed dudes and shout "SHOOT THE SUNNUVA BITCH!!" Classic. They really don't make them like this anymore. In the 90's they made a similar movie with Jamie Lee Curtis called Virus. It's alright but it ain't no Moontrap.
10/10/2024 Night of the Creeps (1986):I was browsing Tubi at work and the top suggestion was Night of the Creeps. I love this underrated classic. I'm not sure if it's actually underrated but I never hear anyone talking about it. If you're not hooked in the first 10 minutes I don't know what your damage is. The cold opening of the film is aboard an alien space craft full of butt goblin's running around. one has a mysterious space tube while the other butt goblins have space lasers and are trying to capture the tube carrying butt goblin.
Tube carrying Butt Goblin
The tube carrier acomplishes his task of ejecting the tube off of the ship where it spends an unkown amount of time hurtling through space before landing on Earth in the 1950s. This is also an amazing piece of the film. A couple is smooching their lips when an insane assylum maniac escapes after killing several mental hospital staff members and gives them an axe murdering. The girl that catches the axe murdering was running around on her boyfriend a friendly police officer. Then it cuts to the mid 80's where a couple of dweebs are about to head to a frat party. This is where the film takes off. What an incredible amount of backstory in that opening. The rest of the film plays out like Robert A. Heinlein's The Puppet Masters but on a college campus. The film is loaded with amazing special effects and one of Tom Atkin's best performances. If you're the drinking type take a shot every time Atkin's character says "Thrill me." You'll be wasted in no time. Another thing you'll really notice in our hyper woke era is the gay subtext subplot hidden in the background with the crippled best friend of our protagonist. Truly this film was ahead of it's time. It's not really annoying and totally flew over my head as a kid when I watched this at an inappropriately young age but it really stuck out the last time I watched this masterpiece. I cannot recommend this enough to those of you brave internet wanderers that have landed here.
10/09/2024 The Evil Dead (1981):I had another project today. I had to assemble my daughters pink mermaid themed dresser for her new room. Watching Evil Dead II was such a great experience while working on something last weekend I figured I'd fire up The Evil Dead. I think this is my favorite film in the franchise. I feel that most fans of the series really love Evil Dead II and how it leans more into humor which of course I do too. The first film however is more horror movie first with just a touch of humor mixed in and I love it.
I enjoyed the character of Cheryl Williams, Ash's sister, who seems to have strong intuition bordering on psychic powers. She seems to feel something is off right away and spazzed out when the recording of Professor Knowby's recordings are being played. When she investigates outside the cabin she is assaulted in a gruesom manner by the forest itself. The horror, gore and atmosphere are also top are over the top and still shocking to this day. After everyone but Ash is infected by devils he starts to crack up he has a bit of a breakdown in a similar fashion to the second movie but this time it's played straight and is more effective as a horror film. A thought that occured to me on this viewing was perhaps Ash had some kind of psychic ability like his sister that prevented him from being overpowered by the evil. This is the movie that set the standard blueprint for evil in the woods killing college kids and it got everything right.
The third act is a nonstop gore fest insanity fueled nightmare full of amazing practical effects. All of this from a 20 year old who had to hustle to scrape up the funds to put this film together. Awe inspiring. I love the directing in this movie to the point it was the first time as a teenager I noticed the camera movements and directing. The shot of the old beat up Oldsmobile driving up to the cabin silently always gave me the spooks and is one of my favorite shots in the film. Man. What a classic. I will probably watch it another 100 times. Classic, absolute classic.
10/05/2024 Puppet Master II (1990): I wanted to watch this one first because I had watched a Red Letter Media video about the first few Puppet Master films. What a wild ride this was. A group of Paranormal investigators from the Government are investigating the hotel from the first movie. After a goofy psychic lady vanishes and the lead researchers brother is murdered in his sleep by a puppet with a drill for a head the entire team decides to hunker down and crack this case. Seems plausible, they are government employees after all.
Then Dark Man shows up and everyone is just ok with this, well not the main science lady she has a hunch he's up to no good. So after some snooping around and some cool puppet murder scenes Dark Man reveals his true identiy as Andre Toulon! He explains his master plan to turn the science lady and himself into 1:1 scale puppets so they can live forever as dolls. The puppets thought that the brain juice they had been harvesting was for them and get pissed when they figure out Toulon was just horny for the science lady. It's so hard to stop myself from typing out the bonkers ending but you have to see it to believe it. It was an amazing set up for a sequel that never came. I probably should have watched these in order but there really wasn't that much plot getting in the way of the puppets attacking people. I think my favorite puppet was Torch.
Look at that rascal
10/05/2024 The Evil Dead II (1987): Due to my mother's declining health and now lost mobility she's recently landed in a nursing home. This has been a grim task filled with many gross but not too shocking discoveries. Perhaps I will make a THINGS I FOUND IN MY PARENTS HOME page. Let me know in the guestbook what you think of that idea. In my Dad's office I've found all kinds of cool technology. A Palm Pilot from round the year 2000, A casio Cassiopeia and some other personal organizers that look neat to fiddle with. The thing I am most excited about is his Goldstar DVD/VCR combo that works very well.
Today while cleaning out the house I put on my copy of The Evil Dead II. It's probably the 20th time I've played that copy and the millionth time I've seen the movie. This film is the perfect blend of comedy, horror, gore, action, thrills and romance. There's nothing I can type about this film that hasn't already been said by millions of adoring horror fans but man I can't think of a better film to have running in the background on a crisp, sunny October day as I perform an archeological dig on my childhood home.
10/03/2024 LongLegs (2024): Just watched about 80% of the film Longlegs. I was interrupted by my son waking up so I had to tap out of the movie and take him to bed. I will have to finish it later but I wasn't in love with it. Looks like it's trying to be the Silence of the Lambs with psychics and devils. It was shot competently but I don't know man I wasn't in love with it.
10/03/2024 House (1985): My beautiful BB told me she had never seen the movie House while we were browsing Tubi looking for something to watch. I told her it was a must see. It's not an amazing movie and it's definitely got some comedy elements but also some great practical effects. One of my favorite scenes is early on in the movie when Roger our hero is returning to his childhoom home after his Aunt completes suicide. The realtor almost shoots him in the face with a harpoon then just casually keeps talking like nothing happened. I'm not sure why that's the funniest scene to me but it kills me every time. The baby sitting subplot is also a real noodle scratcher. Was there ever really a time a single mother would just leave her toddler with a strange man for the night so she can go get piped down? When the neighbor lady is dropping off the little boy Robert, he runs away. Roger chases after him and finds him in the bathroom being attacked by a dismembered hand. When the mother finds them she see's Roger coming out of the bathroom with her son Robert crying and she thinks this is ok and leaves for the night. Bizarre. That can't ever have been ok. The other neighbr is potrayed by George Wendt who is most famous for playing Norm on Cheers and is constantly sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. The last item of note is Big Ben played by Richard Mull best known as Bull on Night Court appearing as a huge hulking Viet Nam style zombie. My BB enjoyed it and agreed it was fun, not that good but not that bad. Definitely worth watching once.
The Curse (1987): This film stars Wil Wheaton but wait! Don't skip it this is actually a pretty cool little film. I'm surprised I never heard of it but I'm also shocked that I enjoyed it despite being an Italian production. This is a Lucio Fulci film. The farm was shot on location in Tennessee but the interior scenes were filmed in Rome so you will notice something is off. Its an adaptation of a Lovecraft short story The Color out of Space. Wil Wheaton is the kid that no one believes and figures what's going on first. His step Father is a hardcore Christian but a generally good man if strict, his step brother is a shitpiece that keeps messing with him and his mother was widowed before remarrying. One night while the mother is all horned up and sleeping with a farm hand something from space lands in their field and leaks some ol doo doo into the well water. The crops start growing huge but when the mother cuts open a head of cabbage it explodes colorful goop in her face. The kids all say the food tastes funny but the strict father makes sure they're all members of the clean plate club before leaving the table. AS the movie goes on the mother develops some grody puss bubbles on her face and starts to get mental. Wil Wheatons character is filling his canteen at the neighbors because he's figured out the tainted well water is making everyone sick. By the end of the film everyone looks like Rocky Dennis has been left out to melt on the side walk and the conclusion of the film is nonsensically explosive but it was made by Italians so they probably thought it looked cool then drank some expressos and start feeling eachothers butts, IDK Italian movies are weird man.
